Every Rankin-Bass Christmas Special, as Rated by a Functioning Alcoholic
Besides knocking down a tree and dragging it into your house and “seasonal” rates from the local escorts, the best part of Christmas is the …
Red Sox Puppetcast: Happy Pearcegiving
Thanksgiving is bullshit. If you want to be truly thankful for something, celebrate Steve Pearce and his new contract with the Red Sox.
“Should the Red Sox Re-Sign Craig Kimbrel?” Answered After Twelve Beers
After One Beer: Well, let’s look at this pragmatically. [Removes pipe from mouth, adjusts tie] Closers, as any student of “The Game” will tell you, …
Manny Machado Striking Out to End the World Series Was Every Bit as Awesome as I Dreamed It Would Be
Look, I love me some Steve Pearce home runs and Joe Kelly losing his shit after striking out the side and Benintendi making highlight reel …
Red Sox Can’t Stop Being Awesome, Win World Series
I’m old enough to have Red Sox angst in my DNA. I try to suppress it, but it’s there. In the blood. Keeping me grounded …
Red Sox Puppetcast: One More Win
We are on the precipice of another Red Sox World Series win. Or a trip back to Boston for game six. Either way, here’s a puppet.
Chris Sale Channels David Ortiz, Scares Teammates Senseless
For years, my automatic response whenever a Red Sox game went to shit was to pick up the nearest chair and toss it into the …
How I Fell in Love With Nathan Eovaldi: A Totally Straight Guy Explains
Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: I love the ladies. Hell, there’s nothing I love more than grabbing a couple six packs …
Red Sox Puppetcast: In Praise of Nathan Eovaldi
After Nathan Eovaldi’s gutsy performance in game three of the World Series, the man deserves praise. From a puppet.
Game Two: The Red Sox Are a Freakin Steamroller and the Dodgers are the Pavement
Look, I’ll come right out and say it: I have no goddamn idea how I’m supposed to feel as the Red Sox head to Los …
Red Sox Puppetcast: Alex Cora is a Time Traveler
How did Alex Cora know that Eduardo Nunez was going to pinch hit a three-tun homer? Easy. Time travel.
Game One: Everything Alex Cora Touches Turns to Gold
Savvy readers of this blog (yes, all eight of you) have heard this rant before. That Alex Cora didn’t just fall off the turnip truck …
The Red Sox, the World Series and Me: A Love Story
I was a young shaver when the Red Sox played game seven of the 1986 World Series. When Marty Barrett struck out to end it, …
October Baseball Means Everything
Hello. Hi. My name’s Red. Take a seat. Grab a beer. Because I’ve got something important to tell you. Ready? Okay, here it is: Baseball …
Ortiz, Clemens and Hendu: A Brief History of the Red Sox in the ALCS
The 2018 Red Sox begin another ALCS run this weekend, for the first time since that blessed 2013 season. So what better time to get …
Red Sox Overcome Yankees, Kimbrel and Angel Hernandez, Win ALDS
Roughly 24 hours after a 16-1 spanking of the Yankees lulled me into a false sense of security, the Red Sox were back in “ALL …
Don’t Fear the Reaper, the Yankees or Game Three
Look, there’s only so much that we as fans can do as the Red Sox gear up for game three of the ALDS in the …
Red Sox Hit Road Bump on the Way to World Domination
Alright, I’ll admit that I bought into the David Price, Game Two Starter hype. Figured the guy’s gotta be looking to make a statement, to …
Red Sox Lose Game, Gain Anthem
Watching game two of the ALDS was a painful experience, with David Price knocked out early and most of the Red Sox bats locked in …
Dying 50 Times a Night and Other Red Sox Postseason Memories
Watching game one of the ALDS last night, I felt oddly calm and collected as the Red Sox cruised to an early 3-0 lead. Two …
Y’all Ready for Red Sox vs. Yankees in the Postseason?
I’m going to be honest: the last time the Yankees were a blip on my radar was the 2004 ALCS. Once we shook that monkey …
Thoughts Before the Final Red Sox Game of the Regular Season
Today marks the last game of the 2018 regular season. And while it would be nice to see the Red Sox go out on a …
My Love for Don Orsillo Cannot Be Contained
I remember Don Orsillo’s first game as permanent Red Sox commentator for NESN. It was April 4, 2001, and Hideo Nomo threw a no-hitter. I …
Guy in Fenway Monster Seats Makes the Throw of a Lifetime
If you handed someone sitting in the Fenway Monster Seats a bucket of baseballs to chuck at runners moving around the infield bases, you could …
Welcome to the Single Most Useless Red Sox-Yankees Series Ever
I’m gonna go ahead and bet that when the MLB schedule makers were putting this season together, they very likely had this weekend earmarked from …
October Baseball is Way, Way Better than Summer Baseball: A Pale Man Explains
I’ll come right out and say it: I’m pale as fuck. Boston Irish. Red hair. Skin so white it’s almost translucent. I’m the kid whose …
Paw Sox Beat Indians, Brock Holt Approves
Look, after clinching the division and winning their 104th game last night, I would have forgiven the Red Sox for rolling out a line-up against …
Red Sox Win AL East. Time to Stop Whining and Enjoy the Magic.
The Red Sox won the AL East last night, and I was so caught up in a Devil Dogs- and whiskey-induced stupor I almost forgot …
Red Sox Win the East, Puppet Red is Impressed
“We will never stop avenging 2003!”
Shitsplosion in the Bronx
This was supposed to be the night the Sox clinched the AL East. And not just closing out the division, but doing it on Yankees …
Astros, A’s or Yankees? Who’ll Face the Red Sox in the ALDS?
With just 12 games left on the regular season, the Red Sox are a lock for the playoffs. But we already knew this. The bigger …
A Thorough and Well-Researched Argument for Robot Umpires
Last night’s Red Sox/White Sox game was a stark reminder that the time has come for robot umpires. Don’t get me wrong; Eovaldi and Thornburg …
Puppet Red Is Happy that Chris Sale’s Back
“Chris Sale’s back and you’re fucked… SING IT”
I Lost Faith in the Red Sox for Ten Minutes Last Night. But Now I’m Back.
The Red Sox have won 101 games. That’s the most games they’ve won since 1946 and they will very likely surpass the record of 105 …
Red Sox Got 99 Problems But The Playoffs Ain’t One (Yet)
Actually, the Red Sox don’t have 99 problems. They may only just have a couple. One of them is Chris Sale’s arm, which should be …