Opening Day Was Weird, Kinda Creepy and Exactly What I Needed
So it wasn’t exactly the sort of 2020 Opening Day we were envisioning when the 2019 season ended. Hell, it might not have been the …
My Favorite Opening Days, Starring Manny Ramirez, Mariano Rivera and Dave Roberts
Today is the first day of what we will call the 2020 MLB semi-season, which the Red Sox will open tomorrow night. And even though …
Goodbye, Mookie Betts
First I heard that Mookie Betts, one-time future face of the Boston Red Sox franchise, was signing a big-ass contract with the Dodgers. Then I …
Hello, Baseball. Goodbye, Everyone.
Red Sox baseball is coming back. And no matter how awkward and abbreviated the 2020 MLB season may be, it’s time to finally pull away …
Attention Red Sox: The 2020 Season is Time to Get Weird
Dear Red Sox: Over the past several years, depending on my level of drinking, I’ve offered your organization some fairly insane ideas for making the …
Pedro Martinez Striking Out Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire is Still the Greatest Highlight in the History of All Star Games
Damn right I’m biased. About as biased as they come. But if the memory of 120 pound Pedro Martinez manhandling noted protein shake-quaffers Sammy Sosa …
Humble Suggestions for Fenway Crowd Noise Sounds
So as we trudge further into the fake 2020 MLB season, it only seems fitting that Fenway Park is testing fake crowd noises for those …
Get Your Daily Inspiration Watching Mike Timlin Praise Tim Wakefield
Verified Good Guy Tim Wakefield had 17 wins in 2007, but he also had recurring shoulder issues that plagued him through the later half of …
Exactly Who the Hell is on the 2020 Red Sox: A Refresher
Look, it’s been a while since we saw brand new Red Sox baseball on our TVs. And as much as I enjoy reliving game 4 …
The Day I Started Hating the Tampa Bay Rays
It may be hard to believe, but there was a time when our hatred of the Rays (or the Devil Rays or the Florida CPAs …
The Greatest Red Sox Game I Ever Attended
If you’re like me, you do two things with great precision: drink and attend Red Sox games. Lately, we haven’t had a lot of the …
A Humble Counter-Proposal to MLB’s Plan to Bring Back Baseball
Lack of baseball has certainly taken its toll on me. Since what-should-have-been-Opening-Day has come and gone, I find myself carving pineapples into the shape of …
Quarantine Theater: Life Without Baseball
The lack of baseball — specifically Red Sox baseball — is starting to take its toll on Puppet Red. And he speaks for all of …
Red Sox Valentines You Can Use
Underneath the harsh, alcohol-soaked exteriors, Denton and I are a couple of true romantics. We are also pretty fucking tight with a dime. Therefore, we …
Suggestions for Red Sox Ownership to Recover from Mookiegate
As we can all attest, the past week has been one of the strangest in Red Sox history, second only perhaps to that time Joe …
Four Stages of Grief for the Mookie Betts Trade
At one of the first Red Sox Winter Weekends a few years back, I stumbled into a panel discussion with “up and coming” prospects. Mookie …
Using Science and Alcohol, I Found the Five Best Candidates for Red Sox Manager
Being a Red Sox manager is officially the most thankless job in the universe, second only perhaps to the guy who has to fit Steve …
The Worst Red Sox Manager of My Lifetime
As you know, the Red Sox are currently in the market for a new manager. And the names being batted around include Mike Lowell, “Sneaky” …
A Brief But Accurate History of Red Sox Cheating
So MLB has decided to investigate the Boston Red Sox for alleged cheating during their epic 2018 run. To that I say, “what in the …
Sign Brock Holt, Sign Brock Holt, Sign Brock Holt
Puppet Red just tellin’ Red Sox Management what they gotta do, holiday-style.
Mike Napoli Kissing David Ross and Other Things We’re Thankful For
When you come to my house for Thanksgiving, there are a few things you have to just accept. First, you’ll be sipping cider from my …
Looking Back on the Greatest Comeback in Baseball Postseason History
When Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS began, I was in New Jersey on business. I sat in a crowded hotel bar with my boss, …
The Night David Ortiz Doubled Down on His Own Badassery
Six years ago tonight, David Ortiz did the unthinkable. Already a deity in Boston for pulling us up by our bootstraps during the 2004 post-season, …
Got My MLB Playoff Bracket All Set
Took a lot of thinking, but I’m comfortable with these picks.
Five Stages of Red Sox Fan Grief Upon Elimination
The Boston Red Sox were eliminated from the postseason last night. This is never a good time; in fact, for some Sox fans it can …
Every Excuse Red Sox Management Needs for Dave Dombrowski’s Firing
Last night, while all of Boston was glued to their TVs or phones or listening devices or ham radios to soak in the Patriots, Red …
The Red Sox Have Already Given Us More Than We Deserve.
Last night, as I was climbing into increasingly deeper cups of alcohol, watching the Red Sox blow a lead to the lowly Angels, one of …
Red Sox, Go 18-3 Against Your AL East Rivals or I’ll Kick a Pigeon
There comes a time in every baseball season when a team has to show if it is, in fact, a contender or just taking up …
Everything I Did to Get Xander Bogaerts on the All Star Team: A Brief But Exhaustive List
Today, right now, at this very moment as you read this, Xander Bogaerts is the best shortstop in the American League. I won’t debate this …
The Worst Sports Loss of My Lifetime? That’s Easy.
I’ll come right out and say it: I’m not a hockey fan. I’ve followed the Bruins from a safe distance and could barely tell you …
Jackie Bradley Jr Proves Worthy to Wield Mjolnir, Saves Motherflippin Game
I know I haven’t really been blogging much these days. I blame it on a couple of things: my covert work with the government which …
Red Sox Lose Eovaldi to DL, Gain Rallying Cry
When the Baseball Gods decide to kick you in the nuts, they usually do a pretty good job of it. Case in point: the Red …
Field of Dreams on Lansdowne: My Favorite Fenway Opening Day
I first wrote this blog post in 2011, roughly five years after my dad passed. Right up until the day he died, Opening Day was …
Everything is Xanderful (for the Next Six Years)
Two things should be fairly obvious to even casual readers of this blog. First, I’m a bit of a drunk. Second, I love me some …