Things I’m Thankful For, 2020 Edition
Look, it’s been a pretty shitty year for fans of Red Sox baseball and fans of doing cool shit in general. We can’t cram our …
The 2013 Red Sox Remain My Second-Favorite Red Sox Team Ever
The 2004 Red Sox will always be, in my mind, the greatest red Sox team ever assembled. I don’t care if the stats nerds point …
The Most Unbelievable Thing on “Lost” was the Red Sox Winning the World Series
Sure, there were a lot of great Red Sox Pop Culture Moments. Like the time a slightly drunk Carl Yastrzemski appeared on the Tonight Show …
Happy Stealiversary: Remembering the Greatest Stolen Base in Red Sox History
Today is the sixteenth anniversary of game four of the 2004 ALCS. Or, to put it simply, it’s been 16 years since The Steal. Everyone …
A Crushing Defeat… and the Birth of a Blog
As I’ve documented far too many times in these lackluster pages, Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS took years off my life, positioning me squarely …
Still the Strangest Thing I’ve Ever Witnessed at Fenway Park
Today marks the 17 year anniversary of the craziest thing I’ve ever seen during a Red Sox game. I still wake up some mornings and …
Dear Fenway Park: Please Please Please Take Me Back
Used to be that when shit got real or real bad, a trip to Fenway Park made everything better. But now… I can’t even do …
Five Ways the Red Sox Can Salvage The 2020 Season
The 2020 Red Sox season is officially circling the bowl. We’re just a dozen games from the final flush and with the Celtics in the …
Hairpreciation for the 2020 Red Sox
Red Sox highlights have been in pretty short supply in 2020 There’s just not a lot of good you can squeeze from the second-worst record …
Red Sox Win, Execute Worst Gatorade Shower in History
The Red Sox won last night’s game with a walk-off, which is good. Not so good was after the game, when Rafael Devers and a …
The 2020 Red Sox are Geniuses and No One Really Appreciates It
You may look at the Red Sox’ current situation and say that they are a team in full free-fall, their brightest star traded away to …
Why the Red Sox Should Strive to be the Worst Team in the Worst Season Ever
So the Red Sox dropped their fifth straight game last night, losing to the Yankees after an embarrassing sweep by the Rays, a team that …
Red Sox Get Their Balls Kicked Off, Handed Back to Them, and Kicked Off Again
It’s pretty to obvious to anyone watching the 2020 Red Sox that the team has either opted to tank for the sake of better draft …
The First Legit Highlight of the 2020 Red Sox Season
I’ve been pretty upfront about not considering the 2020 MLB season an “official” thing. I don’t care if we actually end up getting through the …
Opening Day Was Weird, Kinda Creepy and Exactly What I Needed
So it wasn’t exactly the sort of 2020 Opening Day we were envisioning when the 2019 season ended. Hell, it might not have been the …
My Favorite Opening Days, Starring Manny Ramirez, Mariano Rivera and Dave Roberts
Today is the first day of what we will call the 2020 MLB semi-season, which the Red Sox will open tomorrow night. And even though …
Goodbye, Mookie Betts
First I heard that Mookie Betts, one-time future face of the Boston Red Sox franchise, was signing a big-ass contract with the Dodgers. Then I …
Hello, Baseball. Goodbye, Everyone.
Red Sox baseball is coming back. And no matter how awkward and abbreviated the 2020 MLB season may be, it’s time to finally pull away …
Attention Red Sox: The 2020 Season is Time to Get Weird
Dear Red Sox: Over the past several years, depending on my level of drinking, I’ve offered your organization some fairly insane ideas for making the …
Pedro Martinez Striking Out Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire is Still the Greatest Highlight in the History of All Star Games
Damn right I’m biased. About as biased as they come. But if the memory of 120 pound Pedro Martinez manhandling noted protein shake-quaffers Sammy Sosa …
Humble Suggestions for Fenway Crowd Noise Sounds
So as we trudge further into the fake 2020 MLB season, it only seems fitting that Fenway Park is testing fake crowd noises for those …
Get Your Daily Inspiration Watching Mike Timlin Praise Tim Wakefield
Verified Good Guy Tim Wakefield had 17 wins in 2007, but he also had recurring shoulder issues that plagued him through the later half of …
Exactly Who the Hell is on the 2020 Red Sox: A Refresher
Look, it’s been a while since we saw brand new Red Sox baseball on our TVs. And as much as I enjoy reliving game 4 …
The Day I Started Hating the Tampa Bay Rays
It may be hard to believe, but there was a time when our hatred of the Rays (or the Devil Rays or the Florida CPAs …
The Greatest Red Sox Game I Ever Attended
If you’re like me, you do two things with great precision: drink and attend Red Sox games. Lately, we haven’t had a lot of the …
A Humble Counter-Proposal to MLB’s Plan to Bring Back Baseball
Lack of baseball has certainly taken its toll on me. Since what-should-have-been-Opening-Day has come and gone, I find myself carving pineapples into the shape of …
Quarantine Theater: Life Without Baseball
The lack of baseball — specifically Red Sox baseball — is starting to take its toll on Puppet Red. And he speaks for all of …
Red Sox Valentines You Can Use
Underneath the harsh, alcohol-soaked exteriors, Denton and I are a couple of true romantics. We are also pretty fucking tight with a dime. Therefore, we …
Suggestions for Red Sox Ownership to Recover from Mookiegate
As we can all attest, the past week has been one of the strangest in Red Sox history, second only perhaps to that time Joe …
Four Stages of Grief for the Mookie Betts Trade
At one of the first Red Sox Winter Weekends a few years back, I stumbled into a panel discussion with “up and coming” prospects. Mookie …
Using Science and Alcohol, I Found the Five Best Candidates for Red Sox Manager
Being a Red Sox manager is officially the most thankless job in the universe, second only perhaps to the guy who has to fit Steve …
The Worst Red Sox Manager of My Lifetime
As you know, the Red Sox are currently in the market for a new manager. And the names being batted around include Mike Lowell, “Sneaky” …
A Brief But Accurate History of Red Sox Cheating
So MLB has decided to investigate the Boston Red Sox for alleged cheating during their epic 2018 run. To that I say, “what in the …
Sign Brock Holt, Sign Brock Holt, Sign Brock Holt
Puppet Red just tellin’ Red Sox Management what they gotta do, holiday-style.