Like most people, I spend a lot of time spinning through Apple Music and Spotify playlists, asking myself “why the hell aren’t there any songs about Chris Sale?”

Thankfully, we live in a time when robots can do stuff for us, like brush our teeth, can our hams and create content out of thin air. So I asked Google’s Bard to “write a song about Chris Sale, ace pitcher for the Boston Red Sox.” It did not disappoint.

Now I just need to know who’s gonna write the melody.
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The Chris Sale Song

(Verse 1)
Chris Sale, the Boston Red Sox pitcher,
Is a force to be reckoned with.
He’s got a fastball that can reach 100 mph,
And a curveball that’s unhittable.

(Chorus)
He’s the ace of the Red Sox staff,
And he’s always ready to go.
He’s a competitor,
And he’s always looking to win.

(Verse 2)
He’s been to the World Series,
And he’s won a championship.
He’s a two-time All-Star,
And he’s a Cy Young Award winner.

(Chorus)
He’s the ace of the Red Sox staff,
And he’s always ready to go.
He’s a competitor,
And he’s always looking to win.

(Bridge)
He’s a fiery competitor,
And he’s not afraid to show it.
He’s got a passion for the game,
And he loves to win.

(Chorus)
He’s the ace of the Red Sox staff,
And he’s always ready to go.
He’s a competitor,
And he’s always looking to win.

(Outro)
Chris Sale is a special player,
And he’s a joy to watch.
He’s a true competitor,
And he’s always looking to win.