Everything I Did to Get Xander Bogaerts on the All Star Team: A Brief But Exhaustive List
Today, right now, at this very moment as you read this, Xander Bogaerts is the best shortstop in the American League. I won’t debate this …
The Worst Sports Loss of My Lifetime? That’s Easy.
I’ll come right out and say it: I’m not a hockey fan. I’ve followed the Bruins from a safe distance and could barely tell you …
Jackie Bradley Jr Proves Worthy to Wield Mjolnir, Saves Motherflippin Game
I know I haven’t really been blogging much these days. I blame it on a couple of things: my covert work with the government which …
Red Sox Lose Eovaldi to DL, Gain Rallying Cry
When the Baseball Gods decide to kick you in the nuts, they usually do a pretty good job of it. Case in point: the Red …
Field of Dreams on Lansdowne: My Favorite Fenway Opening Day
I first wrote this blog post in 2011, roughly five years after my dad passed. Right up until the day he died, Opening Day was …
Everything is Xanderful (for the Next Six Years)
Two things should be fairly obvious to even casual readers of this blog. First, I’m a bit of a drunk. Second, I love me some …
Last Night’s Highlight, Courtesy of Mookie Betts
No need to get into a lot of detail about last night’s Red Sox game. Another shit start, this time from E-Rod, and a late-inning …
Reminder: Baseball is Back and the Red Sox Own Your Soul
Last week, I was living the life of a quiet, undistinguished Boston gentleman. I woke up at the same time each morning for a vigorous …
That Time Manny Ramirez Saved Opening Day
The late 90s were not a good time to be a Red Sox fan, unless you happened to enjoy teams that regularly ripped your heart …
Steven Wright: Guy Least Likely to Be Suspected of PED Use Suspended for PED Use
The life of a professional knuckleballer is tough. You’re considered an oddity in the Brotherhood of Pitchers, which is an actual thing requiring annual membership …
Red Sox Valentines You Can Use
Underneath the harsh, alcohol-soaked exteriors, Denton and I are a couple of true romantics. We are also pretty fucking tight with a dime. Therefore, we …
Enjoying Fenway Park When You’re Over Six Feet Tall
Look, I’ve been away for a while on my winter sabbatical and there’s a lot of things to talk about. But rather than rattle on …
Exploring the Big Question: Will the Boston Red Sox Repeat?
Of course, it’s far too early to be making 2019 World Series predictions or even divisional winners predictions, but teams can only change so much, …
Curious Items for Sale at the Red Sox Team Store
One of the advantages of living within a 15 minute drive (or one-hour drunken stumble) of Fenway Park is the ability to bask in its …
Every Rankin-Bass Christmas Special, as Rated by a Functioning Alcoholic
Besides knocking down a tree and dragging it into your house and “seasonal” rates from the local escorts, the best part of Christmas is the …
Red Sox Puppetcast: Happy Pearcegiving
Thanksgiving is bullshit. If you want to be truly thankful for something, celebrate Steve Pearce and his new contract with the Red Sox.
“Should the Red Sox Re-Sign Craig Kimbrel?” Answered After Twelve Beers
After One Beer: Well, let’s look at this pragmatically. [Removes pipe from mouth, adjusts tie] Closers, as any student of “The Game” will tell you, …
Manny Machado Striking Out to End the World Series Was Every Bit as Awesome as I Dreamed It Would Be
Look, I love me some Steve Pearce home runs and Joe Kelly losing his shit after striking out the side and Benintendi making highlight reel …
Red Sox Can’t Stop Being Awesome, Win World Series
I’m old enough to have Red Sox angst in my DNA. I try to suppress it, but it’s there. In the blood. Keeping me grounded …
Red Sox Puppetcast: One More Win
We are on the precipice of another Red Sox World Series win. Or a trip back to Boston for game six. Either way, here’s a puppet.
Chris Sale Channels David Ortiz, Scares Teammates Senseless
For years, my automatic response whenever a Red Sox game went to shit was to pick up the nearest chair and toss it into the …
How I Fell in Love With Nathan Eovaldi: A Totally Straight Guy Explains
Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: I love the ladies. Hell, there’s nothing I love more than grabbing a couple six packs …
Red Sox Puppetcast: In Praise of Nathan Eovaldi
After Nathan Eovaldi’s gutsy performance in game three of the World Series, the man deserves praise. From a puppet.
Game Two: The Red Sox Are a Freakin Steamroller and the Dodgers are the Pavement
Look, I’ll come right out and say it: I have no goddamn idea how I’m supposed to feel as the Red Sox head to Los …
Red Sox Puppetcast: Alex Cora is a Time Traveler
How did Alex Cora know that Eduardo Nunez was going to pinch hit a three-tun homer? Easy. Time travel.
Game One: Everything Alex Cora Touches Turns to Gold
Savvy readers of this blog (yes, all eight of you) have heard this rant before. That Alex Cora didn’t just fall off the turnip truck …
The Red Sox, the World Series and Me: A Love Story
I was a young shaver when the Red Sox played game seven of the 1986 World Series. When Marty Barrett struck out to end it, …
October Baseball Means Everything
Hello. Hi. My name’s Red. Take a seat. Grab a beer. Because I’ve got something important to tell you. Ready? Okay, here it is: Baseball …
Ortiz, Clemens and Hendu: A Brief History of the Red Sox in the ALCS
The 2018 Red Sox begin another ALCS run this weekend, for the first time since that blessed 2013 season. So what better time to get …
Red Sox Overcome Yankees, Kimbrel and Angel Hernandez, Win ALDS
Roughly 24 hours after a 16-1 spanking of the Yankees lulled me into a false sense of security, the Red Sox were back in “ALL …
Don’t Fear the Reaper, the Yankees or Game Three
Look, there’s only so much that we as fans can do as the Red Sox gear up for game three of the ALDS in the …
Red Sox Hit Road Bump on the Way to World Domination
Alright, I’ll admit that I bought into the David Price, Game Two Starter hype. Figured the guy’s gotta be looking to make a statement, to …
Red Sox Lose Game, Gain Anthem
Watching game two of the ALDS was a painful experience, with David Price knocked out early and most of the Red Sox bats locked in …
Dying 50 Times a Night and Other Red Sox Postseason Memories
Watching game one of the ALDS last night, I felt oddly calm and collected as the Red Sox cruised to an early 3-0 lead. Two …
Y’all Ready for Red Sox vs. Yankees in the Postseason?
I’m going to be honest: the last time the Yankees were a blip on my radar was the 2004 ALCS. Once we shook that monkey …