Posts in category Alcohol Inspired

After One Beer: Well, let’s look at this pragmatically. [Removes pipe from mouth, adjusts tie] Closers, as any student of “The Game” will tell you, …

“We will never stop avenging 2003!”

Last night’s Red Sox/White Sox game was a stark reminder that the time has come for robot umpires. Don’t get me wrong; Eovaldi and Thornburg …

Puppet Red isn’t worried. Why should you be?

Okay, guys. If I can just get a minute of your time. Now you’re probably wondering why I called this quick clubhouse meeting. And you’re …

Hello. Hi. Okay, so. I’m back. Alright, now that we’ve got the niceties out of the way, let’s talk baseball. Opening Day 2018 is upon …

Everything you needed to know about the Red Sox’ chances in the ALDS were painfully apparent in the first inning of game one. That’s when …

So apparently CC Sabathia wasn’t pleased to see Eduardo Nunez test his surgically-repaired knee last night by pushing down a bunt single. So in addition …

Apologies in advance, people.

Good morning, fellow players. You may be wondering why I called this clubhouse meeting so early on a Sunday morning. You may further be wondering …

Literally the greatest work of art produced in the 20th century, Homer at the Bat was an instant television classic. This landmark Simpsons episode recently …

It’s a rocky road from the minor leagues, where you have to pay for your own Natural Light, to the bigs, where they just cart …

When Charles Dickens wrote, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” he may well have been talking about last night’s …

No need to beat around the bush here. Let’s just call last night’s gut-wrenching, 2-1 loss to the Twins what is was: the single worst …

            I’m here with Clay Buchholz, tonight’s starting pitcher. How does it feel to get back in the rotation, Clay? …

You heard it here, folks. On this Brookline Ave. garbage can. Rusney Castillo is our future. And it’s the garbage can right across from the …

Here’s the thing. With Papi out of the line-up last night and someone named Sean O’Sullivan on the hill, I figured that even against the …

Come on, Red Sox Nation, get your shit together. Yes, Ron Kulpa is a giant ass-hat who thinks he’s bigger than the game. And yes, …

Who among us is ready to drink the Clay Buchholz Kool-Aid? Not me. He can take his 5.71-ERA ass and go pitch somewhere else. My …

There’s your number two starter, Red Sox Nation. Drink in the magic. On the heels of a solid season opener by David Price, Clay Buchholz …

Underneath the harsh, alcohol-soaked exteriors, Denton and I are a couple of true romantics. We are also pretty fucking tight with a dime. Therefore, we …

The next time the Sox have a runner on first, Ortiz at the plate and two out in the ninth and you wonder if first …

  I wonder how many players will look back at their Red Sox years as the best times of their career. Case in point: Jon …

Apparently not content to be a member of the 500 club and legend of baseball, David Ortiz recently revealed to the Players’ Tribune that his …

“Out, damned Rusney!”

This is how the world ends.

Hey, Red Sox. Remember last year when you guys did that thing where you won five games in a row around the All-Star break and …

Now THIS is why our forefathers fought for our freedom. So that David Ortiz and Hanley Ramirez could go back-to-back, launching certified US-grade missles into …

This is life as a Red Sox fan. One day, they’re bums and has-beens, the next, they’re world beaters. All I know is that on …

I am old enough to remember seeing Yaz and Dewey play. To remember collapsing in a heap on the floor when the ball went through …

Any night in which the Red Sox can only muster three hits and Allen Craig gets one of them is not gonna end well. So …

First things first, my track record for Red Sox pre-season prognostication is dismal. For every one time I’m spot on (I once got taken to …

Because we are romantics at heart. And cheap shits, too.

Dear Red Sox Ownership: It’s me again. The guy with the puppet and the blog. You may have stopped reading my mail after my petition …

An amazingly simple (and booze-inspired) analysis.