Tom Arnold Addresses the Nation
Dudes, it is so cool that my man Boomer has signed on with the Red Sox. As you may or may not know, me and …
Do I Hear…One Dollar? Anybody?
Well, by now we all know where to find our Schilling autographed World Series ball for $960, or a nice line-up card from game 4 …
Re-Petey
As seen on Dirt Dogs this morning, CBS-4 reports that the Sox and Pedro Martinez are close to agreeing on a 3-year/$40 million deal, which …
Just Give Me What I Want… And No One Gets Hurt
Like the kid who asks for a rocket ship, Hummer and Lindsay Lohan’s cell phone number, we’re aiming high this Christmas. We want it all, …
Cold Stove Heating Up
After a stagnant month of November, due in large part to the steroid issues that plague baseball, the Hot Stove action is finally getting interesting. …
A Nation Turns Its Lonely Eyes to You
Feels good to see that picture, doesn’t it. Because we miss the Remy. Because we need the Remy. Particularly now, more than ever, as we …
Everybody’s Coming to New York
Anna Benson, wife of New York Mets pitcher Kris Benson, recently stated on the Howard Stern show that if her husband ever cheated on her, …
Love’s Crashing Waves
Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t cry easily. It takes a sizable boot to the jubees or discovering my TiVo accidentally erased a season’s worth of …
Resistance is Futile
Let yesterday be a lesson to you and your readers. I still run the show. Even your simpering little blog does not slip under my …
Greetings to the New Brunette
First things first, it’s Gina Gershon Day here at SG, as we celebrate the woman who can magically redeem even white-hot crud like Showgirls and …
Holiday Music To Enlighten and Enthrall
As faithful readers of this sad-ass blog fully understand, I’m not a stable guy. I drink too much, play my music too loud, and own …
The Post About Nothing
Except, it is about something. Namely, celebrities. We watch them. We envy them. In the case of Lindsay Lohan, we carve wooden statues in her …
Bun E. Carlos of Cheap Trick Answers Your Questions About the Red Sox
The Mets have supposedly offered Pedro three years at $38 million. Do the Sox stand any chance of resigning him? — J.S., Watertown, MA I’m …
Highlights from Tony LaRussa and Terry Francona’s Unused Audio Commentary for the MLB 2004 World Series DVD
[with apologies to McSweeneys] Game One, Bottom of the Third Inning Francona: This is such a key moment in the game for us here. We’ve …
We’ll Be Right Back… With More Stuff…
Over the Thanksgiving weekend, we’re switching the site over to a new ISP. Anticipating that there’ll be a few hiccups along the way, we’re gonna …
Sand Through the Hourglass
Red Sox Nation [walks into room]: What’s going on here? Gabe Kapler [packing suitcase; looking guilty]: It’s… it’s nothing. I’m, er, going out with some …
Like Colt 45, It Works Every Time
Theo: Wanna come back to my place? Hot girl in club: Where’s your place? Theo: Fenway Park. Hot girl in club [grabbing coat]: I’m there.
"Hello, Papi. I’m Your Biggest Fan"
Wanna get some face-to-face time with David Ortiz, without, y’know, the risk of police involvement or embarassing restraining orders? Big Papi himself will be at …
The Mike Timlin Fan Club Starts Here
We received the following e-mail today from Guillermo in Caracas, Venezuela. No, this is not one of Red’s whacky dreams or whipped-cream-and-vodka-induced fantasies, it is …
What’s Wrong With This Picture?
The man on the left is Barry Bonds. The real Barry Bonds as he looked in 1987, when he hit a very mortal 25 home …
Hot Stove Cool Music Date Announced
As announced today on Dirt Dogs, THE GAMMONS’ third annual Hot Stove Cool Music concert will be held on Sunday, January 9 at the Paradise. …
Don’t Dream It’s Over
Ooooh, now here’s something I want. But at the same time, I don’t want it. Because I fear it. Because I’m already a veritable shut-in, …
It’s All Happening in New York
The magic of today’s New York Post, featuring: My dinner with Pedro! My threesome with Sheffield!
The Inevitable Cry For Help
World Champions, Day 20 * * * * * * * * Customer Service Man: Sony Customer Service, how can I help you today? Red: …
No Reason to Ever Leave the House Again
As we sit at home, curtains drawn, cigarettes and beer cans strewn about, shaking violently in the corner awaiting the release of the Red Sox …
Holiday Booty [Part One]
As we woke to find our cars covered with the season’s first snow, our thoughts turned to holiday shopping. Actually, they first turned to staying …
Let’s Make a Deal!
With Major League Baseball’s winter meetings coming to a close, the free agent talks will heat up. With the exception of the offer to Pedro …
The Phrase That Pays
Respect the Bell! * * * * * * * * * * * * * The AL Cy Young winner will be announced today, …
Times Like These You Learn to Live Again
First item on my Christmas list: Second item on my Christmas list: * * * * * * * * * Reflections of Heartbreaks Past, …
Thirteen Questions
1. If, through some bizarre alignment of the planets or the enticements of an unforeseen suitor, the Red Sox do not sign Jason Varitek, what …
Hi, Society!
Thanks to Matthew for the photo, which depicts his “breakfast of champions” on the morning of the Rolling Rally. Good morning, all. This message is …
While We Were Sleeping
David Ortiz hit a 514-foot home run. Also: The Red Sox won the World Series. Man, I never get tired of saying that.
Instructions for Saturday
First, put down the “Tessie” CD. We like the Dropkick Murphys too, but it’s time to acknolwedge the real patron musical saint of Red Sox …