Please Send John Smoltz to the Moon Until October
Or Mars. Or some small town outside Dubuque. Or that underground society where the mutants worshipped an atomic bomb in Beneath the Planet of the …
Mark Teixeira’s Got Nothing on Little Joey Schmidt and His Accordion of Terror
You know the drill, Red Sox. Until you break the losing streak, I keep posting the vid:
You Supply the Win, Baby, We’ll Supply the Love
Okay. We’ve dropped two to the Rays. We’re back in the Bronx. Time for a win. And I’m talking a real thunderclap of a win. …
I Wonder…
…if Papi’s gonna hear it from the New York crowd. Ah, probably not. Also, get yer World Series tickets now.
Time to Up the Meds, Red Sox
What is it about stepping into the Trop that turns the Sox from Spider-Man to Peter Parker? From Red Bull to warm Ovaltine? From Led …
Here We Go Again
Folks, I don't ask for much. I'm a man of simple means, with simple dreams and simple desires. I just want to see Brad Penny …
Next Time, Red Sox, Just Kick Me in the Nuts
Seriously. All of you. Just show up, give me the quick cleat-to-sack, then head back to your mansions and 18 year-old girlfriends. Sure, it’ll hurt. …
Anger Time!
Tonight begins a whirlwind tour of duty against our most bitter AL East rivals, the Rays and Yanks. And on the heels of our four …
The Tao Of Beard
The Beard has no beginning, the Beard has no end, it just is. The Beard is everywhere, yet nowhere, it is the ultimate paradox. The …
The "our starting pitcher sucks just a little less than your starting pitcher" Strategy Pays Off Again
Think for just a minute about this weekend’s sweep of the Orioles. John Smoltz starts Friday’s game with a 7.04 ERA. He ends up raising …
The Anti-Smoltz
Josh Beckett is the textbook “ace” pitcher. By the numbers, look what he’s done: Averages just under seven innings per start Three complete games ERA …
19 Gets 13
Everything just makes sense when Josh Beckett’s on the mound. Nuff said.
I Was in K-Mart When Sox Landed V-Mart
Seriously, and what are the chances of that? I was wandering through the aisles, looking for a cheap port wine, when my man Ken texted …
Happy Day That Brought Us Eric Gagne
The trade deadline is typically more pomp than circumstance. But this year, with the Sox locked in some sort of offense-draining quagmire and Ortizgate filling …
Lonely Days, Lonely Nights
The news that broke yesterday about David Ortiz being on “the list” of 104 players who tested positive for steroids has me in a funk. …
Ortazed
That’s what it feels like, bro. That’s what it feels like. Oh, and f@#k Giambi.
Brad Penny Will Beat You Every Time
Reporter: Considering the struggles this team has had scoring runs of late, did you feel that you put your teammates in a difficult position by …
Together, We Can’t
After Tuesday night’s shyte show, I went into last night’s game wanting nothing but carnage and chaos, with the Sox whipping the A’s back into …
"Jonathan Papelbon Warming Up" Surpasses "And Now, the Latest from Candlebox" as the Thing We Like Hearing Least
Okay, that’s a little harsh. Because The Bot has only blown three saves this season. And Candlebox really, really sucks. But, if nothing else, last …
Crazy to Think It?
Sitting at my desk this afternoon, chewing on a particularly dismal ham sandwich, I had a vision. A vision of the Fenway scoreboard flashing the …
Josh Beckett: Even Scarier When Taken Out of Context
Great piece on 12-game winner and Chief Executive Ass Kicker Josh Beckett in today’s Globe, but it would have been even greater if the editor …
There’s Just Not Enough Rice Love In The World
If you need to ask why Jim Rice is “the man” then you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog. Here is my favorite part of …
The Surviving Grady Salute to Jim Rice, His Brilliant Career, and His Impeccable Sartorial Taste
Nobody–and I mean nobody–works a suit, tie and/or shades like Big Jim Ed. That stuff with the bat, yeah, that was impressive, too. But Mr. …
Smoltzed Again
John Smoltz avoided the “one bad inning” syndrome by sucking in all five he pitched today. Is there really anyone left out there that thinks …
Yup, Adam LaRoche and Josh Beckett Should Get Along Just Fine
Because The New Guy not only belted a home run in his first game as a Red Sox, he also tears it up on the …
And A New Streak Begins
The Sox return to Fenway was certainly not the offensive explosion we were hoping for, but we’ll take a win any way we can get …
Because Baseball Alone Can Only Nourish Us So Much
If you’re heading in to tonight’s Sox-Os game, first, congrats. Second, be advised that The Red Sox Wives will be holding their 18th annual Can …
The Uplift Mofo Party Plan II
So we’re coming off a five game losing streak and just lost Mark Kotsay, he of the hot wife, good clubhouse karma and world’s most …
The Cashman-Headwarmer Dialogues, Episode 483: Objects in the Rearview
Cashman: Well, I just pulled it. Headwarmer: Congratulations. And I pray to god you’re not talking about your worthless pecker. Cashman: I’m talking about the …
Off-Day, Off-Topic: Five Films You’ve Never Seen But Should
No game tonight? No problem. Your boyfriends at Surviving Grady have got you covered, with the following video suggestions that are far less exciting than …
Requiem for the Looger
I was being honest when I predicted that 2009 would be the Year of the Looger. Sadly, it is not to be, at least not …
Another Piece Of The Puzzle
After another disappointing showing by the offense, the Red Sox pulled the trigger to add a bat to the line-up. Hunter Strickland (Portland SS) and …
The Ellis Burks Glamour Shot Insists That We Must All Chill Out
Attention, please. This is the Ellis Burks Glamour Shot talkin’. And for too long, my cardboard brothers and I have sat back in silence. While …
Terry Francona: Tea Drinkin’ Man!
We all know that after a grueling three hours of rocking on the bench, begging his offense to come through for him and praying against …
Time To Pass The Torch
I’m calling the Great John Smoltz Experiment a failure. The guy has managed just one win while compiling a 6.31 ERA. Would have been a …