Jacoby Ellsbury has become the 135th former Red Sox player to get picked up by the Yankees, joining Roger Clemens, Johnny Damon, Wade Boggs, Doug Mientkiewicz, Mike Myers, Alan Embree, some guy named Ruth, “Little” Bobby Coleman, Harpo Stax, Hal Ketchum III, Carl O’ Fantasy, Mental Elliot, Robot Barnstable and several others. Oh, and Derek Lowe.
All I can say is that anyone who claims to have been blindsided by this can punch themselves in the nuts, then ask their pet horse to do the same. The Red Sox had no poker face here; they never had any intention of bringing Ells back for the sort of payday he was seeking. And the Yankees were the one team out there that could make his wildest gumdrop dreams come true and drop him into the online casino jackpot.
Never mind that the contract is more ludicrous than the pile we handed Carl Crawford. Forget that Ells, crazy good as he was in the postseason, is as prone to injury as I am to eating the last cupcake. It doesn’t even really matter that Scott “American Rat Bastard” Boras was involved. These are the Yankees we’re talking about. There is no tether to reality or sensibility. There is only spending. Where the common man might ask, “what the hell will Jacoby be like shagging flies in the wide expanse of Yankee Stadium when he’s 36?”, the Yankees just say, “WHO GIVES A F#$k?” and crank the wheels on their magic money machine. The chance to give our nuts a sweet little hammer tap at the same time by converting another popular Sox player to pinstripes is just icing on the cake.
It was a good run, Ells. You gave us a lot of fine memories, particularly in the game that turned out to be your last in a Red Sox uni. I’ll also never forget that time you stole home. And you provided an excellent “straight man” for our “Ellsbury ‘n’ Elf” series.
That said, somehow, after all these years, the Red Sox player I most hated to see go to the Yankees is still Mark Bellhorn. End of story.
