INITIATIVE #1: TOM WAITS, FIRST BASE COACH
::Cracks one to right field, starts motoring to first::
I got some dragstrip courage, I can really drive a bed…
ANYONE GOT IT? I’M WANTIN’ TWO. HOW DO I LOOK?
I always play Russian Roulette in my head. It’s seventeen black and twenty-nine red…
WHERE’S THE CUT-OFF? I’M GOIN’. AM I CLEAR??
Bay rum lucky tiger butch wax cracker jacks Shoe shine jaw breaker magazine racks…
F$%K IT I’M GOING
Yer out!
::walking back to dugout:: Thanks a lot, asshole.
And it’s you
And it’s you
Shoo-be-doo, ba-ba-da
INITIATIVE #2: CLUBHOUSE SHOWERING NOW OPTIONAL
Bobby?
Yeah?
Your new rule about us players not having to shower after a game is pretty liberating, but, uh… how do I put this…
Speak up, man.
Youk’s jockstrap just escaped from the hamper.
Again? So what?
This time it’s got hostages.
Dammit.
INITIATIVE #3: ROBOT STRENGTH & CONDITIONING TRAINER
Player Kevin Youkilis! You are late for your mandatory massage!
yeah, I’m gonna pass, I think. Those metal claws do a number on my…
INSUBORDINATION WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. ::Extends arms, shoots electric bolts::
Holy shitnips, that thing just vaporized Youk!
Now. Who’s first for their hypodermic bran infusion?
INITIATIVE #4: JOHN LACKEY, COMMUNITY OUTREACH AMBASSADOR
WHY THE F$%K ARE THERE SO MANY GODDAM KIDS AT THE FENWAY FUN FAIR???!
