Do you really want to sit back and rehash that last shitshow of a series at the Trop? Neither does Remy. So let’s get a peak at how some of your favorite players are enjoying life… on the DL!

Welcome to the Ellsbury ‘n’ Elf DL Motel. Checking in?


No. We’re not checking in.

The hell you talking about? We drove six hours to get here, Cornelius. During which time I endured your goddam Lynyrd Skynyrd-Allman brothers megamix.

I don’t even know why we’re here.

I’ll tell you why, you hairy bastard. I’m gonna play some cards with Ellsbury’s ribs.

The f%#k? We’ve got work to do, ankle.

Relax. We’re not even at the All Star break. Plenty of time to get right. Let’s just take a few days and relax.

F@#k you, ankle. The DL is for the lily-livered and men of questionable sexual preference. No offense, Jacoby.

None taken.

Can’t you give it a rest. Have a drink. Ooh, and let’s grab a seat over there by Clay’s wife…

Don’t make me f#$k your shit up, ankle. We ain’t going on no DL.

But it’s nice here. They’ve got five different kinds of chips. So much goodness, I can almost overlook the fact that the guys who do this blog are too lazy to find a photo of me in my Red Sox cap.

Plus, Heidi stops by once a day to deliver the paper. Which isn’t a euphemism, of course, because I’m all about reading.

Any chance we can move this line along? I’ve got a check-in here.

Teets! Not you, too?

Not me. Daisuke.


Don’t worry, Dice. You’re gonna like it here. Booked you a room in the Jed Lowrie Tower.


It’s gonna be tough. I mean, folks are dropping like flies. We figured your time would come. We’ll just try to wing through this.

But, boss. I’m fine. I mean, I don’t need to go on the DL.

I like your optimism, kid. It’ll serve you well.

Not optimism. I am perfectly fine. I’ve got, like, doctor’s notes and shit.

I wish I had your mental moxie. The ability to make yourself believe anything you want. For instance, that you’re healthy.

But I’m good to go. As John Fogerty once sang, put me in, coach. I’m ready to play.

I guess you just need a little persuasion. Josh?

Hassan Chop! ::Kneecaps Daisuke::

SWEETHOLYGODINHEAVEN. ::crumples to the floor::

I’m guessing about two months of downtime. Can someone get Dice to his room?

On it.

So there’s my rotation spot. My work here done, boss?

Not just yet. We need to visit Manny D out by the pool…