I figured Monday night’s game, which saw the Red Sox shut down by the worst team in baseball, would be the oddity in this series. Turns out it was just an appetizer. Last night’s slugfest was one of the oddest and more confounding Red Sox games I’ve ever witnessed and I’m happy that when the dust cleared, they emerged with a win.
Among the strange happenings:
Ryan Lavarnway nearly went batshit trying to contain Steven Wright’s knuckleball in the first, tying an MLB record with four passed balls. If the guy headed for the local tavern between innings, I wouldn’t have blamed him.
The Sox surrendered a whopping 10 runs to a team that, once again, is the worst in the bigs. I know the Wright start was something of an experiment. But, dude.
Twenty-five runs were plated in total.
Ellsbury went yard twice, convincing even the most skeptical that Scott Boras was somehow pulling the strings of this game, and likely wearing one of those pointy wizard hats while doing it.
Lavarnway got instant redemption a few innings after passedballaplooza, nailing a double that put the Sox on top in the fifth.
The win, curiously, was the Red Sox 69th (insert Beavis and Butthead laugh here), which happens to be the total number they achieved last season.
My question is, how do the Red Sox top this tonight? A no hitter? A forty-six inning game? Jerry Remy recreating the infamous “candy colored clown” scene from Blue Velvet? A pack of talking apes charging the mound during the seventh inning? Bobby Valentine parachuting onto the field in an attempted coup (“You don’t get to pass 69 wins, Farrell. Not tonight!”)
All I know is this, people: whatever they do, I’ll be drunk watching it.
