“As your doctor, it’s only fair to warn you that not only will this exam be highly invasive, I will be performing it with fake metal arms.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, Kowloon’s is proud to present the musical stylings of Herm Winningham.”

“Dad, I’m dating the Giambi brothers.”

“Your seat is over there. Between the Sullivan Tire guy and the Giant Glass guy.”

“Found your car keys. They’re at the bottom of our ‘rat and eel’ pit.”

“The results are in. Looks like your father really is Curt Leskanic.”

“Coming up next on NESN: ‘Dennis Eckersley’s Testicle Circus.'”