Cashman: Alright, Headwarmer. I think I’ve got this Lee deal figured out.

Headwarmer: Seriously?

Cashman: I’m thinking seven years at three hundred million dollars. But because Texas may counter that with something exotic like a private Nolan Ryan rubdown, I’ve been working on some added incentives.

Headwarmer: Er.

Cashman: So far all I’ve got is free snowcones for life at Sal’s Sno-Cones in Queens, one piece of authentic Ace Frehley memorabilia from the Hard Rock Cafe at Yankee Stadium, and, of course, front row seats to Blue Man Group.

Headwarmer: Um.

Cashman: if pushed, I might throw in my own personal, high-grade copy of The Amazing Spider-Man number 129. That’s the first appearance of the Punisher, as you know. Quite valuable.

Headwarmer: Uh.

Cashman: Of course, I’d rather give him Spider-Man 121, which is the death of Gwen Stacy issue. But, hey, that’s the stuff that we’ll deal with at the table.

Headwarmer: Do you read the papers? Listen to the radio? Lee is gone.

Cashman: Dead?

Headwarmer: No, you dolt. He’s gone to the Phillies. They signed him for less than we offered while you’ve been rappelling walls and dicking around with comic books.

Cashman: It can’t be.

Headwarmer: Oh, it be. The only Cliff you have to worry about now is the one the fans want to throw you from.

Cashman: ::Peers out the window:: Well, like I said the other day, ‘We have a really good team going forward. If [Lee] comes, it will be a huge get. If not, we move forward regardless.’

Headwarmer: I hope that brings you comfort when the first pitchfork hits your ballbag. Also, “a huge get”? Way to throw the lingo, slick.

Cashman: Go ahead and laugh. Go ahead and think they’ve won. But the off-season isn’t over yet, Headwarmer. I’ll get Hanley Ramirez. Hell, I’ll get Manny Ramirez to DH. That’ll stick it to the Red Sox.

Headwarmer: Why don’t you bring back Damon, too. I had a sure thing going with a pair of his wife’s wool slacks before he cut outta town.

Cashman: The goddam Phillies? Christ, it might be time to break my “no whiskey before noon” rule.

Headwarmer: Go cry to your antlers, needle dink. I’ve got shit to do.

* * * * * * * *

Meanwhile… we encourage you to hope aboard the roller coaster that is… the Joe Blanton Watch.