Headwarmer: Hey, nipplehead. You know who I was just thinking of?
Cashman: Who?
Headwarmer: Brad Penny.
Cashman: Headwarmer, I’m busy plotting the World Series parade route. No need to distract me with talk of that washed-up bum.
Headwarmer: He was actually pretty good a few years back. Like, the last time we played in a World Series game five.
Cashman: Huh?
Headwarmer: Brad Penny. He beat us in game five of the 2003 World Series. Gave up just one earned run over seven. Remember?
Cashman: Not sure I recall it.
Headwarmer: In fact, I think at one point in that series, we were up two games to one, only to lose the next three games. Is that correct?
Cashman: That may be accurate. I don’t really know.
Headwarmer: Of course, the next year we dropped game five of the ALCS to Tim Wakefield, of all people.
Cashman: You don’t say.
Headwarmer: Game five of the 2005 ALDS didn’t end much better for us. That was when the Angels knocked us out of the postseason.
Cashman: Headwarmer, what’s this all about?
Headwarmer: Well, I may be just 95% cotton with some spandex added for extra comfort, but it seems we’ve been having a real hard time winning game fives.
Cashman: You don’t say?
Headwarmer: Just an observation.
Cashman: Look, that was then, this is now. A-Rod’s never been more clutch. Jeter’s being Jeter. Johnny Damon is actually earning his money. And CC and AJ are unstoppable. We’re winning the goddam World Series, Headwarmer. I’ve got a bazillion dollars invested in new players, a new stadium with an obscenely and strategically-designed short porch, and bribe money distributed to every member of the umpiring crew and their families to make sure of it. This ends tonight.
Headwarmer: Glad to hear it. Because if we come this close only to shit the bed, well… if I were you, I’d get used to a testicles-free existence.
Cashman: Thank you.
Headwarmer: No problem, El Douchey.
