Stop me if you’ve heard this before: the Red Sox are down to last rites when David Ortiz shuffles to the plate like a goddam Dominican Jesus and pulls a Lazarus on the team, helping them pocket a game they probably had no business winning.

He’s been doing this stuff for decades now, and even though it shouldn’t surprise me anymore when he throws the team on his burly shoulders and carries us down victory lane, it always surprises me. He did it again last night, clubbing two home runs against an Orioles AAA team, with one of them coming dramatically in the tenth to secure an extra innings win of a game we seemed hell-bent on fumbling away:

The guy even gave us some serious hug-cam material, nuzzling up to Cespedes after the two of them went back-to-back in the fourth:

Papi’s big night didn’t just help us earn a much-needed win (just three more to beat the 2012 win total!), it put him in the record books. Ortiz now has eight seasons with 30 home runs and 100 RBIs, moving him ahead of Ted Williams for the most such seasons in Red Sox history.

It took a while for that to sink in. Eight seasons with 30 home runs and 100 RBIs? Sliding ahead of Teddy Ballgame? This guy is making history before our eyes and I never, ever want to take him for granted.

Anyway, all this pomp and circumstance was tantamount to one of the best post-game comments of the season:

Now: a lot of people are talking about how Ortiz can’t keep this up forever. How time’s weight will prove too much for even The Large Father’s ample frame. How the Sox need someone who can keep on savin’ the day after Ortiz hits retirement.

I say as Papi knocks shit crazy with his bat as he shuffles off into the sunset, can’t we just sit back and enjoy the ride? We are fortunate that we are living in the time of the guy who will be remembered as the Greatest Red Sox Player of All Time. The guy your grand kids will speak of in reverence and whose videotaped heroics will be splashed on the Fenway jumbotron long after John Henry’s installed robot hot dog vendors. F$%k tomorrow. Sit your ass down and enjoy Papi Standard Time.

You want to learn more about sports betting online, you go here. You want to learn how to hit bombs, win hearts and bestride this earth like a colossus, just watch David Ortiz. Because every day we get to see the man in a Red Sox uni is something special. Even in a season as dismal as this.