See, the Parrot Represents the Team. Cleese is Theo. And Palin is Tito.
Suddenly, October’s looking pretty open on my calendar. Yours? Yet, I must continue to pray, pray, pray because, as has been well documented here over …
Just When It Can’t Get Any Worse. It Gets Worse.
We joke, we kid, we take Kyle Snyder’s name in vain. We do these things because we love. Because we live and die a little …
My Ever Changing Moods
Red: [Pushes TV out window.] Okay. Swept by Seattle. They’re done. Red: No, they’re not. Red: [confused] Who are you? Red: I’m you. Your internal …
And Away It Goes
Did you just hear a toilet flushing? I swear I just heard a toilet flushing. Yeah, something definitely just got flushed.
One Step Closer to the Edge…
In the Bizarro world, Curt Schilling is like 20-3 this season. Seriously, since Wake came up lame, Curt seems to have inherited the “sorry, but …
All Apologies
My coworkers know when the Red Sox are pulling a west coast trip. That’s when they find my head in the fish tank. Or under …
It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back
I feel asleep in a NyQuil-induced haze around 9:45 last night. How did the Sox do? We won? Excellent. On another note, when will the …
Well, the Undertaker Drew a Heavy Sigh
They’re not dead, our boys. Not by a long shot. But in the aftermath of The Series About Which We Shall No Longer Speak, I’m …
Laughter as Medicine
On Friday, the first game of The Series About Which We Shall No Longer Speak featured Wang vs. Johnson. Wang vs. Johnson. How the hell …
No Soup For You.
Here’s everything you need to know about yesterday’s game in a nutshell: In the bottom of the fourth, down 3-0, we came screaming back with …
But Wait. There’s More.
Holy god. Not how we wanted to open the series, on the business end of an epic thumping. But, of course, we had Johnson on …
The Delicate Sound of Thunder
You know that feeling as a kid where you couldn’t wait to run downstairs on Christmas morning because you were dying to see if Santa …
Wild in the Suites
Ladies and gentlemen, dudes and dudettes, fans of Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation alike, I have been to the other side. And …
Knocked Down, Made Small, Treated Like a Rubber Ball
The Sox drop the first installment of Danger Week, leaving me with a slightly sour feeling in my gut. As well as several questions. 1) …
Cue Rainbow’s "Street of Dreams"
There it is. Right there. See that? The Papel-Bot, giving his boy Lowell the glad hand. The “beers on me all f–king week, my man!” …
That’s Great It Starts With an Earthquake, Birds and Snakes, an Aeroplane
On the bright side: — Nobody got shot. — Julian Tavarez kept his pants on for the full nine innings, as best I can tell. …
Send Lawyers, Guns and Money
Two years ago, I counted ’em out. They were totally Heston in The Omega Man, just joggin’ around the deserted streets, waiting to get picked …
There’s a Small Boat Made of China. It’s Going Nowhere on the Mantelpiece.
Okay, what I said yesterday. About us being toast if we can’t sweep the Royals? Let me backtrack a bit and adjust that statement to …
Make. It. Stop.
We didn’t just lose to the Royals. No way that just happened. I must have dozed off… missed the end of the game. I bet …
Souvenir Store Clerks!
I’ve been thinking. Uh oh. You know how Hideki Matsui is one of the pre-eminent collectors of Japanese pornography? I’ve heard his collection is quite …
Better Days
Another ball-crunching loss to the Rays. Further slippage in the standings. A guy named “Corky” behind the plate. Things ain’t good, folks, but they aren’t …
Sometimes You Lose What You Thought You Had, and That’s a Real Sad Deal Indeed
Last night’s game really hinged on two moments. In the second inning, we had the bases loaded, and the Injuns walked Ortiz to get to …
Days Like These I Feel Like I Could Change the World
Once again, we were toast. Done. Deader than the T-bone I left on the grill about five minutes too long, reducing it to a slightly …
Like A Velvet Glove Cast in Iron
Man, if Monday night’s game was The Empire Strikes Back, then last night’s was The Phantom Menace. Bunches of us sitting around with our Sox …
Strong Enough For a Man… But Made for a Yankee
Smell this one, nerd. Props to my man Curtis Interruptus for the post title. And dig on more captions in yesterday’s comments.
The Man Doth Bestride the Earth Like a Colossus
It’s official: David Ortiz is f–king ridiculous. Not that this wasn’t pretty much accepted fact before last night’s heroics. Before His Royal Badness thumped a …
All The Good Times We Had We’ll Have Again
Being on the business end of a beat down like that is never a good thing. But when it occurs on the same day that …
A Sort of Homecoming
Best thing about last night’s game: That ovation for Cabby when he stepped to the plate in the first. Is there anyone who cultivated such …
Robin’s Alright, Tommy’s Alright, Bun E.’s Alright, Rick’s Alright, We’re All Alright, We’re All Alright (AKA Bring Me The Head of Boof Bonser)
Trading deadline comin’ up. Comin’ at ya. Time to start sizing up Cory Lidle and John Lieber. And there’s that nervous feeling in your gut, …
Nothing But Flowers
Note to everyone at my office: Today, I’m all about the happy. Seriously, if you’re looking to lay a ton of paperwork at someone’s feet, …
Funwreckers
Whenever I’m watching one of those post-game interviews where Tina Curvaceous chats up Terry Francona, there are certain moments I expect — and in many …
Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are
Back in the day, the good folks at Marvel Comics created a title called “What If,” which gave them the opportunity to explore such topics …
And We’ll All Float On Okay
First off, is it just me or is Jon Lester the world’s oldest looking 22 year-old? I swear when I watch his conferences I’m looking …
The World I Love the Trains I Hop to Be Part of the Wave Can’t Stop
For six painful innings, it looked as if the Red Sox — 2004 World Champions and proud owners of the David Ortiz contract — were …
Who Sucked Out the Feeling?
It wouldn’t be a Red Sox season without some sense of dread. Without some feeling that the Grim Reaper stands waiting behind each corner, ready …