I’m the first to admit that days wrapped in sweaters, shotgunning winter ales and staring longingly at catalogs of good longboard brands can make a man crazy. As evidence, I’ll submit some of the Red Sox spring training prognostications I’ve made over the last 25 years or so. While at first glance they may look like the ramblings of a guy who’s taken leave of his senses, I prefer to think of them as proof that hopes springs pretty fucking eternal when pitchers and catchers report.
1991: “Fifty years from now, it’ll be Yaz, Teddy and Mo Vaughn.”
1992: “Butch Hobson is precisely what this team needs. He’ll whip these guys into champions.”
1994: *Buys Todd Frohwirth jersey*
1996: “Plenty of room on the Ken Grundt bandwagon. But not for long.”
2000: “Two words: Morgan Burkhart.”
2001: “Manny Ramirez and Dante Bichette? In the same line-up? Who’s gonna stop us?”
2002: “Write this down: Grady Little is taking us to the promised land.”
2004: “Mark Bellhorn? Kevin Millar? Cesar Crespo? Good luck with those guys.”
2006: “We’ll see who’s laughing when these Abe Alvarez rookie cards bankroll my yacht!”
2007: “I don’t expect much from Mike Lowell, either, but we had to take him to get Beckett. If that’s his legacy here, I’m fine with it.”
2009: “I’m ready for Rocco Baldelli to be the feel-good story for the ages.”
2011: “Let me get this straight: Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford and David Ortiz? Why don’t they just hand us the East right now?”
2012: “How bad could Bobby Valentine really be?”
2013: “Enjoy Shane Victorino now, because come late July, he’ll be all done.”
2014: “Nothing screams ‘repeat’ like A.J. Pierzynski.”
2015: “Alright, I missed the mark with Baldelli, but I’m 100 percent certain that Justin Masterson will be the feel-good story for the ages.”
2016: “At least David Price will cushion us from another season of trash from Rick Porcello.”
2017: (to my financial advisor): “How much of my 401k can I move to bet Vegas odds on Mitch Moreland for MVP?”
