So, our ninety-five million dollar infielder is on the DL with a “shoulder strain.” Since he’s been riding the pine for most of the early season (7 plate appearances), just how did his shoulder get strained? I’ve got a few theories…

  • Reaching up to the top shelf in the grocery store to snag the last box of HoHos.
  • High-Fiving the pizza delivery guy when he realized it was “buy three get one free night.”
  • Trying to squeeze into his 4XL panda pajamas.
  • Over-enthusiastically clapping during his favorite show on The Food Network.

We know one thing, he didn’t hurt it swinging the bat or making a throw to first.