After last year’s DL-apalooza, the last thing we wanted to hear coming out of spring training were any “Carl Crawford trips on ham sandwich” or “Adrian Gonzalez zapped by robots” headlines. Yet, just as I was forcing down my late breakfast of Rice Krispies Treats and Jaegermeister, word came down that Josh Beckett had been plunked by an errant ball before today’s game.

Making this news even more bizarre is the fact that the ball was hit by none other than Ino Guerrero who, according to reports, was either trying to hit it into a bucket or ward off imaginary killer rats.

After a brief doc exam, The Commander was diagnosed with a mild concussion (confirmed after he was seen trying to make a phone call with Youk’s jockstrap) and sent home. The Sox plan to update his condition tomorrow, but if you’re into sports gambling, you can predict an early return for the Captain.

To this, I can only say, “what the f#$k?”

[We apologize for the lateness of this post. I was on a last-minute biz trip and Denton was apparently too busy counting his ill-gotten blogging gains to write something up.]