Journey with us, friends, as we venture inside the mind of J.D. Drew Friday’s ninth inning comeback win in Texas.
Okay. It’s the top of the ninth. We’re down two and I’m batting ninth. Miller time. Man, it’s hot. I should have been an accountant, who needs this shit. Nice hit Ortiz, I would have had three. Listen to the crowd, like this means something. Buncha drunk yahoos. Tek! What’s the occasion for you getting on base? Ha, that’s funny, I should use that in the locker room later. Ellsbury, what the f@%k? Come on, Francisco get some outs, I’m sweating like a common laborer out here. Clap a few times Drew, you’re into this. I wonder if they get “The Cake Boss” down here, love that show. Nice K, Woodward, have fun in Pawtucket. Hey, what the…Tito what are you doing? Buchholz as a pinch runner? I knew he didn’t drink that Bigelow shit straight. Anyway, I think I need a new nickname, this “J.D.” thing doesn’t even make sense, should be DJ but that’s not really that cool either. Ouch! Buchholz out at home and probably broke a few fingers with that ugly-ass slide. Nice call, Tito. Don’t smile Drew, don’t smile. Two outs. Where was I…nickname, yeah. Maybe something like The Drewinator…no that’s over done. Maybe just Flash. That’s pretty bad-ass. I like it. Martinez you clown, now I have to play the field! Screw that, I’ll tell Tito I can’t go. Shit, look at these guys, they look like Sunday Mass got let out early they’re so happy. Guess I better grab a bat. Does Ortiz have a…no, can’t be. Anyway, Jay Bay, now there’s a nickname way less cool that JD. Whoa, Tito! Is he gonna slip Victor a little tongue? Excitable boy. Alright, I’m up. Hit the white thing, Drew. Shazam! I got all of that one. Round the bases I go. Stoic, Drew…I mean Flash, stoic, never let ’em know what you’re thinking. I think I’m gonna get a pair of Crocs. Maybe red ones. But I hate not wearing socks. Crocs and socks. Ha! Call Dr. Seuss. Alright, nice home run trot, Flash. Give yourself a high-five! Damn it’s hot. No way I’m going back out there. I wonder what ever happened to The Guess Who. Nice walk, Mikey. This game might never end. How am I going to wake up early enough to watch cartoons tomorrow morning? There you go Big Pop-up, three outs. Now let me just go mention my groin to Tito. He gets all queasy whenever I talk about it…
Note: I stole this idea from one of Red’s classic 2004 posts.
