Game one? On a Wednesday night? Dudes, come on. That’s great for hobos and inmates, but what about the working man? The guy who pays your bills? By putting game one on a normal business day, you’re cutting into my pre-game preparations. Now there’s no time for handing out Mike Lowell-shaped waffles to orphans, throwing back a few brewskis with my cardboard cut-outs of Amalie Benjamin and Tina Cervasio, recruiting neighbors for the “Josh Beckett Hooker Toss”, the donning of the celebratory Kevin Youkilis fake beard, checking in with my MIT connections for a progress report on the Jody Reed clones, ten hours of The Best of Remy and DO (including the now-infamous “caught pantsless at the Burger King drive-thru” segment) and the all-important dip in the Tito Francona sensory deprivation tank. You know how I’m gonna be spending my day instead? At the office. In a meeting. With Billy from accounting. Nice guy, sure. But he’s no Dustin Pedroia.
See that bunting on the field and that World Series logo on the Fenway grass? That’s the unwritten code for “No work shall be done today, people. Stay home and get yourselves psyched up for baseball.” Because in another week, it’s all gone, Pete Tong. And it’s a long, cold winter before it comes back.
Whoever came up with this idea needs a beating, and six hours in a locked sauna with Tim McCarver. And also, a beating.
That said, seeing Captain Carl throw out the first pitch will take away some of the pain.
