Superman: Exposure to your yellow sun has granted me a number of unique advantages, including flight, X-ray vision, and the ability to service Hilary and Hayley Duff simultaneously. Yet for all of my super powers, I cannot fathom why Kevin Millar is allowed to put on a Red Sox uniform and play on the field each day. Watching him go 0-for-4 during Saturday’s game, including those wretchedly weak foul outs, was a painful experience, even for the Man of Steel. I understand that John Olerud is on the mend, but surely management can find a replacement, either in the farm system or, say, the Pine Street Inn, who could provide a more productive alternative. And while I don’t like to play favorites, had yesterday’s game not been washed out, I was prepared to circle the earth at top speed to reverse time and erase it from your collective memory banks. What can I say, I have a softness for this Clement fellow. Oh, and for the two fraternity brothers who were seated next to me at Friday night’s game, I’m happy to inform you that the Ball Girl does wear stockings and a garter under her uniform. Just like Carl Everett.
Aquaman: I don’t get out of the ocean much these days, but the prospect of this series, and the foreshadowing to a possible October showdown, proved too great a lure. I found Friday’s game to be the most telling of the series. We saw the White Sox jump out to an early lead, but the Red Sox showed great tenacity, coming back and holding on to win. This Graffanino character is particularly impressive, reminding me of Aqualad in many ways, and I have a feeling that he will play a prominent role in September. Saturday’s game, which I viewed from the Monster Seats, was my personal favorite, although I had to leave in the seventh after receiving a telepathic message from Diego the Squid. Sunday, I was whipped, having spent much of Saturday night battling Black Manta, so I was happy to see the rain out. My only complaint about Fenway was the taste of the beer. Folks, I live underwater and I’ve enjoyed beer with more flavor. Something to work on for the future. Also, when David Ortiz has completed his tour of duty with the Red Sox, we’d like to see him resume his duties with the Legion of Super-Heroes, thank you very much.
Wonder Woman: Great Hera! The White Sox, it seems, have been hiding too long in the shadows of the AL Central. One of their best players is a guy named “Podsednik.” That should tell you everything you need to know about them. Although yesterday’s game seemed to be spiraling a bit out of hand from the Red Sox’ perspective, it is quite clear, based on the Friday and Saturday contests, that the Red Sox were simply lulling the White Sox into a false sense of security, and were clearly planning to unleash the Mother of All Terrors in the late innings. But in the rain, we all find renewal, and I am certain that its regenerative qualities will help to spark some of the more listless hearts in the Boston line-up, making for a most fruitful road trip. Also, just between you and I, dear readers, I’d totally do this Varitek fellow.
