As we trudge our way through another off-day, we bombard you with random thoughts and other off-kilter garbage.
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If you’re attending tonight’s Rolling Stones concert at Fenway, will you please do us all a favor and take public transportation? We don’t want your cars cluttering things up. Also, keep the noise down a bit, would ya? The locals paid top dollar to live near one of the country’s oldest and most beloved ballparks, and they don’t need all that quiet sullied up by the likes of you. Simply not talking at all would probably be best. Just save all that chatter for once you’re inside the Park. And don’t clap too loud. Be advised that Police will have their decibel level detectors, and won’t hesitate to shut this sucker down if Hazel Gummidge’s cats can’t get a decent sleep. One complaint from her and you can forget about that Tesla reunion show [tentatively scheduled for Fenway next July]. To be honest, the Fenway Neighborhood Association would prefer it if you just stayed home. So, please do.
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Manny Ramirez is the most lovable player ever to wear a Red Sox uniform. Sure, Teddy Ballgame was lovable, but in those pre-World War Two days, “lovable” often meant “likely to strike us with something hard and wooden”, especially in Ted’s case. Can you think of another Red Sox player for whom the word “lovable” would apply? Outisde of, perhaps, the infinitely huggable Mike Lansing, you can’t. Not even Ortiz, whom I consider more “imposing” in a Yaphet Kotto, Imma-bust-up-your-team-with-my-bat kinda way.
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Most Anti-Climactic Baseball Fight Ever, #281
Red Sox vs. Kansas City, July 1984
Dan Quisenberry comes in high and tight on Ed Jurak. After stumbling and losing his helmet, Jurak steps back into the box, pointing out toward the mound. Taking offense, Quisenberry steps toward Jurak, the two men eventually converging. At this point, Quisenberry learns that Jurak is actually pointing out toward the centerfield grass, where a rare Trumpter Finch is standing. A fellow bird enthusiast, Quinseberry helps Jurak move the Finch to the safety of the visitor’s dugout. Later that evening, the two men are seen in a Newbury Street restaurant, discussing the latest issue of Audubon Magazine.
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The Yanks have won 7 of their last 10, and are now in a dead-heat tie with Oakland and Drew Carey’s favorite team for first place in the Wild Card race.
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Attention concert promoters: I have an idea. It’s called The Red Sox 2004 Reunion Tour, and it’s basically a screening of the most dramatic moments of the playoffs followed by a live, on-stage appearance by the entire 2004 team. They’ll come out and everyone gets a turn at the mike to talk about the season and the playoffs and how awesome it all was. Then there’s a Q&A session and a “try on Pokey’s ring and pants” segment. Of course, Remy will be there to MC. Proceeds will go to the Jimmy Fund. Contact me at once and let’s get this thing rolling.
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Speaking of the postseason, after this weekend’s Anaheim series, I got a serious jones to rewatch the 2004 ALDS… but I cannot. Because it is apparently the red-headed stepchild of the 2004 playoffs. It can’t even be found on the monolith DVD boxed set that recently came out. Why the lack o’ love? I mean, that series certainly didn’t lack for a dramatic ending. Or will it be part of a larger, 22-DVD set that MLB is preparing for release around the holidays? The mind reels…
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“You ain’t got no problem, Jules. I’m on the motherf—-r. Go back in there, and wait for the Wolf who should be coming directly.”
“You sendin’ the Wolf?”
“Oh, you feel better, motherf—-r?”
“Sh-t, that’s all you had to say!”
