I awoke this morning feeling all kinds of splenderficious (don’t bother checking your Webster’s for these fifty-buck words. I make ’em up), and as I sat at the breakfast table, munching my whole wheat toast and sipping Boone’s Farm, I thought aloud, “Which pre-nineteenth century philosopher’s words best capture the essence of what I’m feeling about my beloved Sox this morning?”

My initial thoughts, of course, were with the little-known French prognosticator Renee ChezChequee, who once said, “From very quiet things come very quiet things.” Or the great Spanish thinker Carlos “Billy” Fontez, who once quipped, “Slim returns are the fortune of the overtly ambitious.” Not really comprehending any of those, however, I eventually settled on the English “Thought Broker” William Clandestine, who wrote, “Man, those f–kers couldn’t buy a hit last night.”

We were shut down by a guy named Dave Borkowski. Let’s say it again together for maximum effect. Shut down by a guy named Dave Borkowski.

To me, the most frustrating kind of loss is one in which our bats are silenced. Watching the players, one by one, head to the plate, swing in utter futility, then lumber back to the bench is a special kind of hell. And for the Sox, this phenomenon always occurs in the strangest spots. On Saturday they can conjure magic against Mariano Rivera, the toughest of the tough. Then a mere four days later, their three-game-win-streak momentum — which was evident even in last night’s rain out — is erased. By a guy named Borkowski.

It’s funny, isn’t it? Funny and sad. But there’s really nothing more we can do than shake our heads, give mad props to this man they call Borkowski, and hope to christ we can get back on track in Minnesota.

One bright spot: The Yankees lost in extra innings to the Jays, so rejoice, those among us who still cling to the hope that maybe, just maybe, the AL East can be had. Also, if we are to believe anything we read regarding Unit-gate, it seems now the pitcher will be staying in Arizona. Boston Dirt Dogs today references a piece in the NY Times which says:

“Officials from several teams, including the Yankees, said on Wednesday that Johnson seemed most likely to remain in Arizona, despite his desire to be traded to the Yankees. The Diamondbacks have acted as if they want to keep Johnson, failing to tell the Yankees what it would take to acquire him. They have also not made a serious effort to find other interested teams to which Johnson would accept a trade.”

This, of course, is fine with us. ESPN.com also notes that the Sox may be looking to land Seattle’s Mike Myers to fortify the bullpen. Wicked, baby.