“Thanks for coming out today, everyone. I know your time is valuable. I’ll keep this brief.”


“You know we have a problem.”

“We do?”

“Yes. It’s Seanez.”

“Okay. Yes. He’s having a tough go of it.”

“The man’s chewing goat sack. His ERA is close to 10.00. Some days he’s not even out of the bullpen and he’s given up a homer.”

“Let’s feed him to eels.”

“That could be tricky. Also, it would require eels.”

“I’ve got it! Maybe we demote him?”

“Good thinking, Has. Now. We need someone to convey these senitments to Rudy. I was thinking Papa Jack.”

“Me? Tell the ultimate fighter that he’s goin’ down? Are you on peyote?”

“Just an idea, Papa.”

“I ain’t got nothin’ to do with pitching anyway. Get Wallace to do this.”

“Er… ::coughs:: I would, but… :: coughs again:: I’m not well, as you know. I defer to Nip.”

“Well… I defer to DeMarlo.”

“Er… and I defer to Brad Mills!”

“And I defer to… Wally.”

::Falls over, rolls himself out of room.::

“Alright. I may have to call Theo.”

“Heads up, chief!”

“Hey. What’s goin’ on?”

::Throws phone out window.:: “Nothing! Nothing, Rudy. Just a little, er, Parcheesi.”

“Serious? I love that game. Maybe after I hit the weights I can get it?”

“Sure, sure. Whatever. Anything you want.”

“Great. Oh, and I’m available tonight as well. With Rodrigo on the hill, it’s gonna be a grinder. I’ll be expecting your call around the seventh.”

“Excellent. Looking forward to it.”

::Gives “thumbs-up” and saunters away.::

“Nice job, chief.”

“We may have to step this up a notch.”

“You don’t mean…?”

::Answers phone:: “Hello?”

[With apologies to The Dugout.]

* * * * * * * *

BTW, we know Matt Clement ain’t the most attractive guy in the universe [not like that pretty-boy Gregg Zaun, that’s for sure]. But when did he start looking like Harry Dean Stanton? Seriously, could redsox.com have found a worse photograph of The Emancipator to adorn their site today? Christ, it’s almost as if they flew in some specialists from Zurich to ensure that the guy’s single worst expression of the evening was captured for posterity. Absolutely horrifying.