Francona [in dugout at Fort Myers, looking out to field]: Oh no. Oh no. Is that–
Al Nipper: Yeah. Third time this week.
Francona [wipes sweat off brow]: Willikers!
Nipper: Suppose someone should go out and talk to him.
Francona [adjusts hat]: Yeah, yeah. [Heads out to the field.]
Kevin Millar: Woooh. Batta batta batta batta batta batta…
Francona: Kevin.
Millar: Hey coach! Hecanthithecanthithecanthit… sa-wing batta!
Francona: What’s going on here?
Millar: What’s goin’ on? What’s this, a trick question? It’s spring training, man. Just loosenin’ up. [Turns to the outfield.] Hey, Trot! Let’s have a few more balls here.
Francona: Kevin…
Millar: Hey, and I like what Bellhorn’s done with his hair. Too bad about those big-ass ears, though. Hyuck, hyuck.
Francona: That’s not Mark Bellhorn. That’s Mark Loretta.
Millar: Serious? Hey, I once knew a hooker named Loretta. Did I ever tell you that one? Me and a buncha my huntin’ buddies started freebasing Ovaltine, and then–
Francona: Kev, you realize you don’t play here anymore
Millar: Oh, I know that. We got Snow and Youk coverin’ first. I’m thinking maybe centerfield this year. Back up the Crisper.
Francona: I don’t mean this position. I mean… the team.
Millar: Come again?
Francona: You signed with Baltimore. You remember this, right?
Millar: The Orioles?
Francona: You’re a member of the Baltimore Orioles. You remember the contract negotiations? The press conference?
Millar: Hell, I was just kinda rollin’ with the flow. I mean, they had cameras there and all these lights and reporters and stuff. I thought it was all just a bit of fun.
Francona: Well… it wasn’t. And I’m afraid I’m gonna have to take that [points to Millar’s Red Sox jersey].
Millar: You’re sh–ting me. I can’t play here anymore?
Francona: Not… not really. Not according to, you know, the rules.
Millar: Baltimore. You f–kin’ serious? Are you sure?
Francona: [Nods.]
Millar: Well don’t that just beat all. The Baltimore Orioles.
Francona: In fact, your ride back is here. [Points to Raffy Palmiero sitting on an idling motorcycle with empty sidecar.]
Palmiero [waving]: Hi!
Millar: Well, sh-t. I guess I’ll be on my way.
Two weeks later.
Chunichi Dragons coach [In dugout at Nagoya Stadium, Japan]: Oh no. Oh no. Is that–*
Chunichi Dragons trainer: Yeah. Third time this week.*
*translated from the Japanese.
* * * * * * * *
In other news: Roger buzzing his son after Koby takes the old man deep? Genius.
