If the White Sox have their way, the Red Sox’ 2005 season could be over by the time my head hits pillow tonight. This upsets me.

No more post-games with Rem Dawg? No more “Dirty Water”? The end of the season?


Dudes, I’m just getting into it again. Just starting to bask in the burning stomach and aching gut that defined last autumn. A World Series that doesn’t take place at Fenway Park? I’m not so sure I even want to even think about it. And if you’re nervous, consider the FOX execs who at this very moment are rolling about in their beds, contemplating an Anaheim-Chicago ALCS. Suddenly, I’m imagining affiliate stations across the country planning mid-week marathons of Mama’s Family.

And it’s not just looking down the barrel of the end of the season that has me all fussed up. It’s the fact that once it’s all over, we’ll probably never see Damon or Manny or Millar or Olerud in a Sox uni again. I’m not so blind as to not realize this is a flawed team, likely ill-equipped to keep the mighty trophy ensconced at Yawkey Way for one more year. But these guys are like my family [in fact, it’s likely I know more about Bill Mueller than my own siblings — not that any of them would ever return my calls]. And I’m not so sure I’m ready to say goodbye.

So in an effort to turn the tide and reverse our laddies’ fortunes, we’re delivering a heaping supply of mojo today, in all of its various and sundry forms. It is my sincere hope that this mojo can keep us alive to fight another day. And that it helps the knuckle ball dance. Because, I gotta be honest, having Wakefield pitching an elimination game scares me more than the thought of being chased around a Chelsea condo by a pantsless Rip Taylor.

So, on the cusp of what could be the close of the 2005 season, we ask that you join hands as we give you:

Bad Grammar Mojo!

Say what you will about Boston fans, we know proper apostrophe placement and shit. [Thanks to Dano for the pic.]

Rankin-Bass Mojo!

Santa: So, little Joey. What do you want for Christmas?

Joey: Santa, this has been such a hard year, what with Papa dying and Uncle Pietro’s surgery. I’d just like some good, warm food for my family and some new shoes for my mama.

Santa: Well, how nice. Yes, yes of course. Oh, and by the way. Who do you like in the 2005 ALDS?

Joey: White Sox all the way!

Santa: Hey! Guess who’s gettin’ a sock filled with toothpaste.

And, lastly, Nipsey Mojo!

The Red Sox are down two to none,
But this ain’t no time to taunt ’em
If I’m recallin’ last year right,
We got Chicago where we want ’em!

RIP, Mr. Russell. You’ll be missed.

Today. 4:05pm. It’s backs-against-the-wall, do-or-die time.

Strap on your helmet and your jetpack. I’ll see you there.